Reviews Alien: Covenant (2017)

Reviews Alien: Covenant (2017)
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Reviews Alien: Covenant (2017)

I don’t really know what to say. I am such a fan of Alien, this movie truly offends me. It’s intellectually offensive and insults the audience – especially fans familiar with Alien/Aliens. I really just want to vote and bring the score down for this horrible movie. Others have already said it. The biggest problem is that the plot is idiotic. Worst writing ever. Prometheus had problems, and instead of addressing those problems in sensible ways that take us back to the meat and potatoes of the Alien narrative, which is, you know, THE ALIEN, it does the opposite, and leaves all those problems in place and then makes them even worse.

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Did Alien3 make you mad? Alien4? This movie will make you even madder! It’s not about a personal preference that things be changed here or there, from beginning to end the movie is a confused mess. The writers are trying to do way too much. The writers also think the audience is stupid and can’t figure certain things out for themselves. But then the writers also don’t bother trying to fill in some logic huge holes that deserve some answers. Without spoilers it’s difficult to get into specifics.

The thing that is really bad is that this movie is a prequel. So we’re supposed to be filling in story gaps that lead into the movies we already know and love, Alien/Aliens. This movie creates a narrative that is insulting to those films. The origin of this awesome Alien character? I’m not sure why that is something which needs to be answered to begin with, but, oh, turns out, some jackass that didn’t get enough hugs as a child decided to create it out of boredom. Yep, that’s it. Oh, well thanks for making a whole movie to tell the story of this stupid idea.

This movie takes the great “xenomorph” character and basically neuters it. Nothing special. Just the invention of a lunatic. What was Scott thinking, seriously? Here is our alpha character, the scariest science fiction villain of all time, chop off the testes, replace it with an annoying android/robot with daddy issues that won’t shut up and then give it the dumbest/cheesiest dialog ever.

And then of course the movie then also has the characters doing things that defy logic/common sense. Similar to Prometheus where Charlize Theron is running away from a huge wheel in a straight line rather than, I don’t know, turning left or right or something. Or morons marooned in a cave that decide it’s a good idea to play with an alien snake. Except worse. Situation after situation things like this happen that insult you. Nobody, even the dumbest of the dumb, would act like this. Much less professionals who are elite members of a crew traveling across the galaxy to colonize another planet. Everything that happens is easily avoided.

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Beside insulting you in every way imaginable with the completely stupid plot, the movie is just boring. There isn’t much action at all. If you are hoping to see the Alien doing what it does best, kick butt, forget it. And instead of giving us the alien we know and love, which is scary and realistic, they come up with a variety of other CGI aliens which look very different, fake, and not scary. And there is no rhyme or reason for any of it. I’m not interested in DNA experiments and the creation of these other spin off aliens… I want THE ALIEN.

I’m shocked to be honest. I don’t understand how Ridley Scott can possibly be so detached from reality. Is the man sub intelligent? I’m serious. Whoever wrote this is a literal idiot. I don’t know how else to say it. If the Alien franchise didn’t already exist, nobody would watch this movie. It’s nonsense from beginning to end. This isn’t even an Alien movie. What is it? I don’t know. It was nothing but confusion. A wannabe Blade Runner/android/robot movie?


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