The Legend of Hercules – Beauty projected on screen

The Legend of Hercules movies
The Legend of Hercules movies (Source:
The Legend of Hercules – Beauty projected on screen
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There has been a plethora of films to grace the screen since the inception of motion pictures.

Many of which have been either great, horrible, or some place in between. I am someone who has been watching films for a very long time; for as long I can remember, in fact. I have been attending movie theaters since I was merely a toddler.

And since I was a toddler, there have always been those movies that have enjoyed paying to see in the theater, or dreading the fact that I had just wasted hard-earned cash to view such an abominable piece of trash.

When I heard that they had been developing a new Hercules movie under the direction by master Finnish filmmaker Renny Harlin, I knew this had been a golden opportunity that I could not afford to miss out on.

Upon viewing the film that is ‘The Legend of Hercules’, I can boldly state that my precious seven dollars have not gone to waste. This film, this groundbreaking phenomenal piece of art, is what movie-going is entirely about.

The Legend of Hercules
The Legend of Hercules (Source:

From the scale, the acting, the visuals, the action, the music, it is all simply nothing short of artwork projected on the big screen.

When I arrived at my local movie theater on a not-too-busy Thursday afternoon, I second-guessed my initial objective to watch Hercules.

I was aware that Peter Berg’s magnum Opus, Lone Survivor, was presently an available alternative had I been committed to abandon the Kellan Lutz film. After a meticulous twenty seconds of debating which film to pay for, I (obviously) opted to stick with my original intention and was confident that The Legend of Hercules was my pick.

After waiting behind some two obnoxious old bags, I confronted the cashier and announced that I had wished to view Renny Harlin’s new film. I whipped out my leather wallet, pulled out a twenty-dollar-bill, handed it to the cashier, she then responded, “Thirteen dollars will be your change.” I then replied, “Excellent.”

Then I grabbed my thirteen bucks in change, stuffed it in my wallet, and progressed to the front door.

After I opened the front door, I swaggered on into the building. There the person who does the heavy duty occupation of ripping your valuable ticket, then telling you to either walk “Right”, or “Left” to the particular theater where your movie is being played was.

Upon then, I was theater-bound, until I felt an ominous sensation within my bladder – I had to take a whiz. So I journeyed to the men’s room where I whipped out my sausage to deposit some of my lemonade into a toilet; thence it would enter the sewer line.

I had been optimistic that I would no longer need to use the restroom for a good hour and a half. I walked into my theater, being somewhat embarrassed that I was all alone.

Attending a movie alone can feel awkward if you are accustomed to having company in your presence, and knowing that at times large groups of annoying friends and/or families are commonly attending these beautiful events.

So when I came around the corner of the seating area(s), it had come to magnificent surprise that I had been the first individual to make my way to see this new Hercules picture. I had arrived about ten minutes in advance, so I was sure I would not be the only one seeing this excellent film at 1:00 pm.

About seven minutes later (give or take), finally a new viewer had entered the theater, an elderly gentleman who did not look the least bit excited to be there. So previews had eventually started, and I was clenching my fists in utter excitement just anticipating the reality that I was going to be viewing a new motion picture epic.

I can not remember the order of the previews, but I swear that sometimes these trailers are just dragged out too long. And there are just way too many trailers to show these days! There are like five or six previews that had been shown, of course that may not be very many.

To my recollection, I can recall I time back in 2003 or 2004, when I had to sit through some twenty previews! To be quite frank, the reason these previews felt like an eternity, was because I had felt a recurring sensation strike my bladder – I had to whiz once more! It was only last year when I went to see a boring stinker film called Riddick that I had to take the biggest whiz anyone could imagine.

If you have ever owned an old house-trained dog, that you kept inside all day, and close to midnight you finally let it outside just to go release some of its inner lemonade, you would know what I mean.

When Riddick finally came to a much-awaited conclusion, I sprang out of my seat, ran down the stairs to the men’s room, then I released what I must confidently consider to be a waterfall. But I digress.

In short, this is a very fun movie. You will likely enjoy it if you are a fun person. If you do not enjoy it, then you are not a fun person. You are pretty lame, as a matter of fact.

Sure there are pretty mediocre moments, ones in which you might catch yourself laughing hysterically at, but movies like these are meant to be enjoyed that way. Go and have a see for yourself, because although this is being hated on right now, it will be viewed as a cult classic in years to come.

When watching The Legend of Hercules, you will smile, you will laugh, you will cry. You may even do all three at once.

Source: BorneOnWingsOfSteel – imdb


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